‘FRENEMIES’ now this is something or should I say certain people we can all relate to, well those of us who aren’t frenemies and know the proper definition of the term friendship.


I have experienced a few frenemies in my life so far; I know that for sure, because you can just tell to be fair by their actions and how they talk..Some are able to disguise it well enough until things catch up with them before you see their true colours. But either way once you see them for who they really are it is best to part ways, because if they have to act that way with you in the first place it not only says a lot about their negative character but they’re not as genuine as we had hoped.


They see the potential in you and what you’re capable of doing and they envy that. Instead of them to be happy for you because things are going well they rather prefer to hate on that and fall weak to showing kindness and appreciation. That is not a friend that is someone who is lost and not worthy to be called your friend. Such negative behaviour is not necessary, because its God who meets our needs not man so why not go to God and repent of such ways and pray for what you need and how to become a better person??


All the time they spend acting this way could be used to better them to progress, they don’t seem to realise that time moves forward and with each passing moment you can’t get it back and should be used instead for self development and not how their lives compare with their friends. Everyone is different no two people God created are the same. Everyone created by God all have unique qualities and different destinies. When you compare yourself to someone else you are basically telling God that you are not grateful for everything that He has done for you and the position you’re at in life. You have to be able to function well with the GIFT OF PATIENCE. Yes a friend has been able to progress and make it but that shouldn’t mean that the same can’t happen to you. Everyone has their different times for blessings. Have patience your time will come too.


FRENEMIE 1: I remember a few of my experiences with frenemies and I must say once I figured it out I distanced myself from them. The last thing anyone wants is to continue giving and being the friend they would expect someone to be to them, only for that person to have ulterior motives.


One of my experiences was around the time I was in Secondary school, now going to an all girls secondary school anyone at first would be like ohh dear all girls (fights, boys talk, two faced behaviour etc etc).. The reputation of all girls’ school to my knowledge hasn’t always been good. So yea there was competition amongst girls (hairstyles, clothes, boys, personal belongings, family status) You name it, it was in competition, sad but it happened and just goes to show that with girls there will always be that level of insecurity and the hunger if you like to have it all and be the best amongst many.


So with this one particular girl we were close and from the first time we started talking things went okay our mums knew each other and I thought she was a good friend. Over time I began to know her properly and realised how different we were, she was into a lot of guys and how she portrayed herself as a tough no nonsense female was quite different to me. As I was quite reserved, laid back and shy, quiet too. At the time we would go to my mum’s business after school and she began to get really comfortable started asking me for money a lot (bearing in mind I didn’t mind giving it at first because she would say she will pay back, but really for the main reason that I liked to give as well when needed) but it then became a habit and she was asking more and more, on top of that asking me to buy her things and being very forward.


As time went on she began to copy things I would do and got very attached to me thinking that once we are close she can get anything she asked for without hesitation. Now I had had enough of that and began to stop giving hoping that would help and she would ease off but rather she took it the wrong way and became negative and bitter towards me. That was not how I wanted things to go but I just couldn’t stand how comfortable she became and out of all the times she took money from me she’d say she will pay back but really they were empty promises.


Eventually we distanced ourselves and I realised from that moment that once things were going well for me and she was by my side taking and taking she was happy but I wasn’t. But once the tables turned and I stopped giving she switched and became bitter towards me simply because I stopped giving to meet her selfish needs.


You see we all have a friend like that who will always be happy to take once you keep giving, until you stop then they turn against you and hope for your downfall. That is why it is never good to get comfortable with other people. There are a lot of selfish, bitter, negative people out there who try to disguise themselves as friends but it doesn’t last long…


FRENEMIE 2: With this girl I knew her from secondary school days up until now so that’s like 13 years in total! Wow! But then one thing I have come to realise is that it doesn’t matter how long you have known someone for it’s what they show you about themselves that counts. I’ve known people not as long as I’ve known her for but count them as loyal compared to her. We were close for sometime but then drifted apart, everything I did to bring friends together mostly BBQ’s I would call her, every time it was a birthday I would buy gifts I would always bend over backwards to be a good friend to others and her. But it was like she would be envious of what I wore, how I did things, the holidays I went on u name it. The looks she would give at times to me made me laugh so I just ignored them. But it got to a stage where I knew deep down that there were deeper underlying issues she had against me and so that reflected in her actions towards me.

It even got to a stage where she would ask about my movements to other people but not directly to me, for the obvious reasons and that we hadn’t spoken in a while. Now I can say with confidence that I was a good, giving friend to her something I cannot say she was to me. She would always expect invites to things I did, disappear and then show up randomly all this made me see the true her and it was off putting to be honest and so now, apart from her talking to me to wish me happy birthday a few days ago and ask if I was doing anything to celebrate it have no interest whatsoever to continue such friendship especially when it has mostly been one sided. The envy wasn’t healthy and I just don’t want to know anymore. She can choose to contact when she wants to but I will no longer go out of my way for her. Do not hold onto negative people set them free and appreciate the ones who deserve your time and are truly genuine.

I wish her well though don’t get me wrong I am not a bitter person who holds grudges or wishes bad luck upon others that won’t get me anywhere, God is love and so that is all I try my best to show even with such actions towards me. Yes I get upset but I know how to handle it and what to do rather than focus on the bad things I could do. Older and wiser know better to realise not everyone who crosses paths with us are good, genuine, Godly like or humble. But it’s okay because out of each experience there has been a vital lesson out of it, to learn from. When you know God and rely on Him He will be your source of strength when you are weak.


I can say that I have had my experiences of good and bad when it comes to friends more than enough to have learnt a fair amount without repeating the same mistakes. Some were not on the good path saw that I was, became bitter and wished for my downfall they mocked and doubted me because I knew what I wanted and worked for it and never gave in to distraction.. They didn’t want me to make it, they just wanted my downfall..

BUT I am here today to say that all their efforts failed, I still passed them all they were moving backwards and God elevated me higher than they expected. Some dropped out of university, some got caught up in their wayward living, others trapped guys with children, some became single mothers and still didn’t think it wise to be a better role model to their children.. And I just look at all that and thank God that I never let the opinions of others consume me to throw me off track.




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