TWO PART SERIES
1.MY JOURNEY SO FAR IN MINISTRY- APPROACHING ITS TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY
2. THE SPECIAL THANKSGIVING TESTIMONY EVENING FOR THE MINISTRY TURNING TWO
MY JOURNEY SO FAR IN MINISTRY
Thank you for the gift of life, for the lessons we learn daily and the people around us you have blessed us with. I know there are days where we complain and doubt ourselves, question your timing and prolong doing things due to fear. But I pray to cut ties with all strong holds that hold us back from serving you wholeheartedly. Father please forgive us and I pray that we all continue to walk in purpose as women of God, bold and faithful to you. For those who do not know their calling I pray that you download into their spirit what you want them to know and act on to step out in faith and boldness. In your mighty name we pray. Halleluyah
This will be a two part series about my journey in ministry so far and the special thanksgiving two year anniversary which took place on Saturday 26th September 2015.
Where do I start? I remember so clearly when I heard the voice of God calling me into ministry, at the time I was heartbroken, weak, shattered, hopeless, confused and angry a whole load of emotions rolled up in one living this day by day and not being able to snap out of it because I let emotions and fake promises a guy made to me, lead me astray to do so much without going to God when needed, and when I did go to God it was to ask for what I knew weren’t the decisions to make. But when you’re so low and broken a lot of things you do will not make sense, it is not until you look back to realise this.
Before my calling into ministry and the above, for four years I was going around and around in circles all in the hope of finding the right job for me, my plan A of studying Law went well but to practice it realised it wasn’t for me and so to search for my plan B went through so much and was so lost, it was as if I had a compass and even though it was broken still felt within it’ll work and so kept trusting the routes I took. In and out of work, no purpose, no hope and low self- confidence, no self-esteem I was so frustrated at the fact that my plan A didn’t go to plan but yet couldn’t really pinpoint my plan B. Up to four years after graduation in the fourth year God spoke and positioned me to have destiny helpers come my way to help birth the gifts within me I could put to good use. Met some people made some calls and one thing they all bought my attention to was counselling and how they felt it will be a good fit for me to be able to have a career in. After some time it all started to fall into place I did my background reading liked what I saw and developed on the knowledge and then enrolled to start the counselling course, I went to do Level one finished that successfully, then went on to Level two which I finished successfully too, two months ago and now preparing to go to Level 3 what a mighty mighty God we serve.
So rewinding back now to the calling from God I remember I was sitting in my living room writing a post and heard a soft voice saying the words your calling is in ministry for women. Honestly I was shocked and looked around to see who said it but it was just me in the room and didn’t know how to take it. To be honest with you I brushed it aside and said to myself how can I go into ministry with how I am? I am not qualified? I am broken and confused. You see the power of the mindset. So following on from God speaking to me, four people after a period of time including my dad said things which connected to me speaking in a microphone to many women and I also had a vision about this too. At that stage I knew it has to be so, so even though I was broken, prayed like never before and began the walk into a new chapter, set up the social media platform and began to share encouragement to others even though I myself was broken. God can use you in your brokenness ladies, there is nothing too hard for Him to do.
As time passed I felt God doing a surgery within to work on me, strengthen me and equip me for what was to follow in ministry, looking back I see why. As this came into existence women who were ‘claiming to be in ministry’ were crossing my path and the moment they saw things I was doing didn’t support it but used it against me to act as though it was a competition. We fell out and they no longer wanted me to be part of them. That was my first big explosive outburst with women in my walk in ministry and saw early on that even in the kingdom, there are those who have bought the competitive spirit to step on the toes of others once they see them as a threat. Completely forgetting that in the kingdom His grace is sufficient and all of us have a unique purpose to fulfil, so rather than cause division we should be uniting in the kingdom to celebrate our differences. From early on I was taught to be careful of those in the kingdom and to be careful of who I let close.
I learnt the hard way by letting close a few individuals in particular who weren’t keen on changing for God to grow and develop as women of God. They claimed they were, but were lukewarm and to them correction was seen as judging, they had the one foot in one foot out walk and so they were sending confusion around to others to make it look as though it is okay to live half- heartedly for God. I was trying to help them become better and love them with the word but it was more draining than good even to the point where my mother would constantly speak about me distancing from them, because they were not people I needed around me, they were dampening my spirit and sitting on my progress. It was only until a situation occurred where I saw the true colours and realised I was walking with those with ulterior motives, intentions that weren’t good and simply holding onto to the ministry to say they are part of it because they saw what it was becoming.
Ladies and gents wolves in sheep clothing is real and it occurs, and we need to pray daily over those around us and watch how God will begin to remove them from your life one by one. It took a negative effect on me for some time because to me, I couldn’t understand how those I thought came with good intentions could disrespect, insult and belittle me the way they did and speak anyhow about the work of God.
By this stage it would be approaching the ministry’s 1st year anniversary and I was so over joy that I overcame many barriers and was able to celebrate the ministry turning one. God you are good because despite how I saw myself He didn’t see me that way, He believed in me, called me even though I wasn’t qualified and never left me, this God we serve ladies *speechless*
I thank God because despite what I was passing through, He still bought ladies my way who were a blessing to me and the ministry, as well as the ministry helping them too, I gained sisters, lost the bad crowd and was at peace. God worked in all areas of my life and made it possible for me to cross paths with those I need around me.
I remember at one stage I was like God I am tired and I don’t think I can do this ministry work anymore, it is too much, it can get lonely, the attacks were coming in numbers, my growth was stagnant and I struggled with stepping out of comfort and fear of taking that bold step. It was like this for some time until it got to a stage where I had a breakdown and God called me on a time out to stop and rest in His presence to soak in the word, get time away and refocus. For some months I was on this break and didn’t think I would be on it for so long. But it was the wilderness process which couldn’t be rushed and although it was painful was needed because leading up to it so much was going on, people were taking advantage, I was making countless avoidable mistakes and enough really was enough. So was stripped off all that I didn’t need, equipped, strengthened and taught a lot during my wilderness stage.
Ladies the wilderness stage is not easy but is necessary and required to elevate to where God is taking you to. I realised that I was carrying a lot of dead weight and couldn’t overcome some habits of overdoing things and in turn it all drained me and caused me to run on own might. But I thank God for everything because fast forwarding post wilderness stage I felt brand new, stronger, lighter, wiser, renewed, bold and ready for what was to come. One thing many of us fall victim to, is always wanting to do things properly, to perfection, doers who don’t know how to slow down and then fall short and feel disheartened when things don’t go our way. Many times God was slowing me down for me to be still because I had so many plans I wanted to execute and He was saying to have patience, and step by step I will progress. But it was essential to prosper when the time was right, but shouldn’t be rushed as it won’t last. I have learnt many lessons in this walk in ministry and now I wouldn’t trade it for the world I love it so much and learn daily on this journey to be a better woman of God. Self-growth is a process, a journey that is ongoing and from it what is learnt is to be applied to our walk and what we teach others.
People also like to place you on a high pedestal once they know you are in ministry, it’s as if you are perfect, make no mistakes, spotless and without sin so they expect more from you not realising that this can be damaging to the soul and dampening to the spirit with the expected hope of us not making mistakes (hence one of the reasons why I broke down). I am not perfect, I am imperfect serving a perfect God, I will and do make mistakes, I do not know it all and I do get attacks and as one person told me. When God calls you, the attacks will be great because you are doing His work to reach out to many and help the lost and the devil hates that and will attack you and try your family too. Which he tried many times with my family and I but didn’t succeed. Thank God my family are supportive of my walk in ministry and know God so understand this.
One thing I have to highlight is that, when God calls you, yes He will equip you but don’t think that everyone around you will stay there, they will begin to drop off one by one because not all of them can go to where God is taking you to, salvation is personal and the walk is narrow, you are not called to be popular you are called to fulfil your purpose in the kingdom.
BY THIS STAGE I HAD LEARNT:
- NOT EVERYONE IS FOR YOU, THEY MAY SMILE WITH YOU BUT THEIR ACTIONS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS WHICH GOD EXPOSES, WILL DISTANCE YOU FROM THEM.
- YES I AM IN MINISTRY BUT MISTAKES ARE UNAVOIDABLE
- WHEN GOD CALLS YOU HE WILL EQUIP YOU
- WE WONT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS BUT SHOULD STILL TRUST IN HIM EVEN WHEN HE IS QUIET
- IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO TO OTHERS, IT IS GOOD FOR SELF-GROWTH AND YOUR SPIRIT
- IN ALL THINGS PRAYER IS KEY AND SHOULD NEVER BE PUT ASIDE
- YOU LEARN DAILY, THERES ALWAYS SOMETHING YOU CAN BE TAUGHT
- SELF INFLICTED PAIN IS COMMON AND NEEDS PRAYERS, RATHER THAN BLAMING GOD
- WHEN HE CALLS YOU HE WILL SURELY EQUIP YOU- DON’T LOOK TO THE NATURAL BUT CONNECT IN THE SPIRITUAL AND BELIEVE IN HIS TIMING
When God calls you, you are no longer in control of all that you do, when He calls you, you die to self, to opinions: A few scriptures that show this can be found in:
Galatians 2:20 – I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
Luke 9:23 – And he said to [them] all, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Mark 8:35 – For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.
Matthew 10:38 – And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
1 Corinthians 15:31 – I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily.
1 Peter 2:24 – Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
Colossians 3:3 – For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.
2 Corinthians 5:17 – Therefore if any man be in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
At times I would sit and reflect look at my life and just pause, I was so used to doing things on my own might, going to where I wanted to go, speaking to those I wanted to speak to. To me it was my life and so I controlled and made all the decisions I wanted to make. But when God took control and intervened it was no longer about me but Him, I died to all those ways and in all the things I was doing He was at the centre of it all, I went to Him before doing anything, was very careful of who I spoke to, careful of where I went and above all learnt more about Him and the word daily. It was all about Him. What a major transition and one that took some getting used to at first.
If I had to define my walk in ministry so far, I can’t really do that because it’s just been a whole load of emotions and challenging times but I wouldn’t trade this ministry for anything. He called me, saved me, renewed my mind and being, believed in me, entrusted me with the calling and uses me daily to do His good works.
Ladies stay encouraged and keep doing your best.
God bless you all