Whether someone ‘appears’ to have it all together or not, smiling and doing daily life activities DOES not mean they have it all together, they may not come out and say it, but most times are wishing for people to reach out and help them. But sadly, for some that is never the case and so they end it all and leave confusion, pain and distraught people behind. Be more considerate of your brother and sister don’t think that the outer appearance is enough there is much more behind that that is being neglected. As I mentioned in a previous post the most damaging thing a woman can say is I AM FINE, this works well for men too.

Recently in prayer the Lord laid on my heart a guy I should give a word to, and this guy had reached out to me a few times a few weeks ago to say that he wants to meet up and hang out, but it was never a good time, and distance too. I later found out that it was his indirect way of saying he wants someone to talk to and felt I was the one and so couldn’t out rightly ask, so put it in a way to say that we should hang out so when he sees me will be transparent and honest with what he is struggling with.

Felt so bad and that hit me hard on how I was not only inconsiderate, but just had no idea what he was going through, but taught me the importance of picking up on signs. They won’t always come out and say they need help or someone to talk to but will find a way to get to you in their presence, for you to help them. As a sister said it takes vulnerability from a man and humility to admit he needs help and hasn’t got it all together.

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I always stand on this that when you speak up and offload to trusted people, pray and above all know God and His word it takes a lot of load of you, you are set free and healing becomes a process to move forward with. When we accept the false perceptions, and lies told about how people think men ought to be, we are shutting out the men’s struggles and mental state of being by restricting what they do and not allowing them to come out and say what is going on with them. Again, for fear of being judged and various reasons. We are relational beings and God is love so by expressing that love to your neighbour, you don’t know how much of a blessing you can be to them.

This reminds me of what another sister said about the change starting from us, we should all be bold enough to express how we feel and what we are going through to those trusted around us and like a ripple effect encourage others to do the same too.


If you are a believer pray and read the word and ask God to bring the right people around you.

Acknowledge that truly there is a problem you can no longer run away from.

Know that it is okay to not have it all together, shut out what people expect of you, take it slow.

Consider professional help, they will not judge you neither cause you to feel worse off than you already feel- Can work on strategies to help make things easier to manage.

You will find that reaching out for help at your own pace will help get you back on track and to a better future. It all starts within, and as difficult as it maybe you must want that change and help.

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Men in the world have the freedom to do as they please, they have big egos and think they have it all together and don’t need help, some ignore how they feel within by trying to cover it up with women and things, but can only keep running away from it for so long.

These types of men may have been abused when younger, struggled and turned cold from that, verbally abused from family, compared to others, dropped out of school etc there are so many factors they go through growing up which was always ignored and not tackled. So, by the time they reach their twenties+, all they have ever known to do is ignore and be who they’ve been told they must be no matter how much unresolved pain is within.

Don’t get me wrong not everyone may have had tough, harsh upbringings, but rather the opposite and too much freedom to do as they please was given and so they never learnt things the right way but rather the fast living lifestyle to get what they want and who they want anyhow. That freedom is more than dangerous to get caught up in things and all of a sudden they are no longer that care free guy, but a broken guy who made wrong choices and must face the consequences but doesn’t know how.

They become trapped in a routine to keep their reputation and have others respect them that they neglect the very crucial parts of their being which need healing and help. It is like saying my reputation is more important but my inner being can wait. That doesn’t matter to them, that sense of denial of their inner being and pain is what they are used to. Because as a man they can’t be soft, they can’t show emotions and they can’t cry. Who said this for it to become truth?

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2Corinthians 5:17 ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.’

Today there are men who have become saved and new creations in Christ, but there are still parts of the world in them that need to be cleansed from their systems. No one is perfect and people will make mistakes but to act as though you have it all together when you don’t is wrong. You need God to guide you and heal you and crush out all areas of pride in you.

Yes, there is pressure to be a certain way, do things to have a family and to earn in a good job, but you don’t have to make that your reality at the expense of your joy. Be reminded that in Christ you are set free and no longer bound by what held you down before-

Galatians 5:1– ‘For freedom Christ, has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.’

2 Corinthians 3:17 – ‘Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.’

John 8:32– ‘And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’

John 8:36– ‘So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.’

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One thing that is very damaging is the fact that men have the freedom- free in Christ, but still carry bad habits and actions which invite the fact that they are still held down by others perceptions and how they are supposed to be seen, which is not healthy and a form of bondage to people’s opinions. You are not who people say you are, but who God says you are, people will always talk regardless, what you should work on is ignoring what they say and holding onto God and your peace.

Protect your spirit and your sanity, be wise with what you let in and who is around you and know that crying is not weakness or makes you any less of a man, you are still a man, a child of God, breadwinner, career man and more it doesn’t take away from you, rather it builds you up to not suffer in silence but heal, knowing that even as a man you don’t have to suffer in silence.

Lastly to bring this to a close, it is very sad that there are many men saved and not saved who are going through life’s daily struggling with no one to talk to.

It’s been highlighted that there aren’t a lot of men ministries for the men to come together and support each other, there are a few I’ve seen who are doing amazing jobs, but still there aren’t as many as women ministries. So, it makes one questions for men how do they offload, who do they have around them, do they even have anyone?

Praying for the men around, be encouraged.